Latest
  • Welcome!

    We're a UK based community of cult entertainment fans - so whether you're into WWE, Marvel, DC, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Star Trek and more - join us!

    It's free to register, so why not sign up and discuss whatever you're into...

Talk Wrestling Online Community Newsletter #209 - 8th March 2009 - Adapt or Die

Status
Not open for further replies.

DC

Well-Known Member
Messages
34,040
Points
113
____________________________________

Talk Wrestling Online Community Newsletter
Issue 209 – 8th March 2009

____________________________________




The Editorial

After a baptism of fire last week, some deserved, some not, the need for change to the newsletter was highlighted for all to see. What you will read is the first stage in a work-in-progress that will, hopefully, march us towards a bigger, brighter and, above all else, better Community Newsletter.

What, I hear you cry, have I done to reach this end? Well, I listened and I adapted the issues raised from the "debate" on where my first edition failed to meet expectations.

The Probe returns, kinda, and the "Editor's Picks" will now be known as (random) "Forum Member's Picks" instead. The format remains the same, but the content will be from a different member each edition... with John Hancock taking the bull by the horns for the first outing.

Some of the articles have been streamlined, while, alongside The Probe, "Quote, Unqoute" has been resurrected by Fiona. Darkstar entertains us with his inane ramblings, while ScottyB takes charge of THE big addition to the newsletter; the TWO Photoshop League - a competition for all forum members that will run from today until the last edition in June. There are prizes at the end of that run, so good luck to all who enter. Finally, we were going to have Fidel Cashflow informing us on the music scene with his Ghettoblastin' column, but it never materialised. Hopefully, we'll have something next issue.

As you can see, regardless of whether the criticism last week was justified, action has been taken. I hope you all enjoy it and, as always, feedback is more than welcome.

DC

---------------------------------------------------------------
Meet The Team
---------------------------------------------------------------



Who will Chris Jericho face at Wrestlemania?

Mitch: At this moment, it could be anyone. It'd be fitting for Jerry Lawler to get the spot, but with Hulk Hogan looking at his options it could go that way too. I hope it doesn't, because I really don't care to see Hogan on WWE TV ever again. It's a strong possibility though. I expect Lawler though, with post-match Stunners from Stone Cold and maybe one to Mickey Rourke too.
Al Stevens: Your guess is as good as anything. Hopefully we shall find out very soon. I guess, at the moment, it could be Jerry Lawer with a run in from all the legends and Micky Rourke hitting the "Ram Jam" off the top rope.
Kam: I imagine it will be something similar to the beatdown Mohammed Hassan got at WrestleMania 21 with a few legends taking a shot at Jericho.
Nimf: Well, it has to be Steve Austin. Why? Because I love Austin... and someone needs to put that Bobblehead in his place.
Darkstar: He wont have an advertised opponent; he will cut a promo and Austin will batter him afterwards.
Fiona: I would like to see up against Rowdy Roddy Piper. I love kilts.
Laffy: I would love to see "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Steamboat and Rhodes with Arn Anderson and Flair in their corner.
ScottyB: I haven't properly watched Raw in weeks, so based upon what news sites are reporting, it'll be Jerry Lawler. Although, I'd much prefer it to be someone else.

When listening to music on your PC/laptop/Mac, do you prefer speakers or headphones?

Mitch: Speakers, especially since I have 5.1 Logitech bad-boys to rock out all over my room. Headphones are quite intimate, I feel, and my PC really isn't. If I want headphones, I'll listen to them in bed where I'm comfortable, or on a bus or walk where I'm alone and in need of distraction. A PC deserves rich surround sound. So yeah, speakers.
Al Stevens: Normally use the Speakers on the laptop for during the day, however, at night, I use headphones.
Kam: Speakers...don't even have any headphones.
Nimf: Headphones, because they make me feel like I'm there.
Darkstar: Headphones. Gemma is normally watching TV and speakers would be mean.
Fiona: Headphones definitely.
Laffy: Speakers, without a doubt.
ScottyB: Speakers without a doubt. I do use headphones when everyone else is in bed though.


Your obituary is to be read out on the evening news. The voice you wish to tell the nation of your demise belongs to who?

Mitch: How horribly morbid. I agree with what Colin just said to me on MSN though - my own voice would freak everybody out, so I'll use my voice. Or his voice. That'd be even freakier, assuming everyone could make the words out. You know how hard those Scottish folk find it to talk coherantly. [/Obligatory racism]
Al Stevens: I guess depends on what I have depend on what I end up doing. I just hope it's someone decent and cool.
Kam: Don West :)
Nimf: It has to be the scary TNA voice-over man. How awesome would that be?
Darkstar: Joe Pasquale.
Fiona: Barack Obama; he has a great voice.
Laffy: Huw Edwards. His tone and delivery is lovely.
ScottyB: Santino Marella, just because it'd be funny.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Talk Wrestling Online Subscribers
--------------------------------------------------------------


Thanks to all the Talk Wrestling Online Subscribers:

Anime_Otaku + Antihero + Cathal + Chris2K + Darkstar + Fiona + Fletch + Gooneronastick + Joel + Laffy + MRB + Nimf + Omega + Reno + Saz + Shane O Mac + The.Icon + TMJ



Total Subscribers: 18

To find out how you can help support Talk Wrestling Online and become a subscriber see:

* Talk Wrestling Online Subscriber Scheme *

---------------------------------------------------------------
Talk Wrestling Online Community Update
---------------------------------------------------------------


FWL

Fantasy Wrestling League - Change a Pick on 16th March

You will be able to change a pick anytime on Monday 16th March (GMT). All you will have to do is login as normal (on the 16th), and you'll notice it will let you change a pick - as long as you dont go over your budget! But remember ONLY 1 PICK can be changed.

If for whatever reason you wont be able to change a pick during that day, reply HERE giving the name of the superstar you would like to change along with their replacement by SUNDAY 15th March, and I'll change them for you on Monday 16th March :thumbup2:

---------------------------------------------------------------
Talk Wrestling Online Stats
---------------------------------------------------------------




MOST ACTIVE THREADS IN THE LAST 14 DAYS:

1. How Are You Today? [General Chat]

2. The last film you watched? [Entertainment Forum]

3. December 21, 2012 [General Chat]

4. Your last purchase? [General Chat]

5. *** The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania Discussion Thread *** [US Scene Forum]

6. Random News Update Thread [US Scene Forum]

7. The Results Thread [Other Sports Forum]

8. Comments That Don't Require Their Own Thread [US Scene Forum]

9. Insignificant Wrestling Moments You Love [US Scene Forum]

10. TWOStars? [Talk Wrestling Online / Wrestling 101 Feedback and Questions]

MOST ACTIVE MEMBERS IN THE LAST 7 DAYS:

1. Nemesis Enforcer
2. DC
3. The.Icon
4. John Hancock
5. Darkstar
6. Saz
7. The Maxx
8. Fiona
9. TMJ
10. DarkMatchJobber

--------------------------------------------------------------
Talk Wrestling Online - Chatroom Information
--------------------------------------------------------------


WWE WrestleMania PPV Quiz And Chat - Sunday 5th April!



Join us on Sunday 5th April from 9pm UK time for the WWE WrestleMania PPV Quiz and Chat in the TWO Chatroom.

PPV Quiz

The Quiz will take place from 9-10pm in the Quiz Room. The quiz league leaderboard has been updated:

* Quiz Leaderboard *

Quiz participants should pay particular attention to the history of WrestleMania (along with other past wrestling events which took place in March/April) in order to give themselves an advantage in the quiz. The quiz will be hosted by ME!

Anyone can take part in the quiz, you do not need to register, just turn up in the Quiz Room at 9pm (UK Time).

This is only the 3rd quiz of the season, so its a great time to join in!

PPV Chat

The PPV Chat will take place after the quiz, from 10pm to 1am (UK Time). Talk to fellow TWO users about the PPV, and give your thoughts on each match! Discuss it in the TWO Chatrooms!

So don't miss out on a night of fun, join us for the Talk Wrestling Online WWE WrestleMania Quiz and Chat! Don't forget, WWE WrestleMania takes place on Sunday 5th April, and the evening's activities begin from 9pm, starting with the Quiz. We'll see you there, in the chatroom!

---------------------------------------------------------------
Forum Member's Picks of the Fortnight
---------------------------------------------------------------

John Hancock

~Website~

Well, I actually spend most of my time on the website that shalt not speak it's name laughing at pictures of cats, ironic sexism, tongue-in-cheek racism and idiots in Guy Fawkes masks thinking they're changing the world, but to even mention that site by name would cause TWO to be swallowed into the very depths of Hell itself. If you know what I'm talking about, then you already know too much; if you have no idea of what I speak of, a large part of me envies you. Seriously. I seen some things man.

Other than that, I'd say my favourite website as of late HAS to be the wonderful Last.fm.

This is an amazing little thing. It reads your iTunes account and figures out what kind of music you like. It then makes a radio station for you consisting of only your favourite bands, as well as constantly recommending other bands to you that the website thinks you'll like. Literally every band I've ever heard of is on there, it's 100% legal and it even has a little MySpace element with groups and forums all based around the wonderful world of music. Here's my personal library, just to show you exactly how much flipping music is on this thing.

It's a wonderful little thing and I'm totally addicted. I'm actually listening to it right now whilst typing this. A new song's coming on... "Five Minutes To Midnight" by Boys Like Girls... awesome.

Seriously, get in on this.

~Movie~

Right, when DC asked me this, I decided, "I'm going to do the Watchmen, I'm going to review Watchmen". The main problem is I haven't actually seen Watchmen. So, I thought "I'll review Franklynn". Another problem; I haven't seen that either. Nor have I seen Grand Torino... or The Unborn, or any of the films I actually want to. In fact the only film I've gone to properly see in the cinema this month has been 'She's Just Not That Into You' and I'm not choosing that as my film of the month. I'm just not.

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to score myself a couple of tickets to the London Film4 Horror Film Festival. Now, let me tell you, I saw a LOT of sh*t at that thing, but I did see one quite good film, 'Repo: The Genetic Opera'.

[YOUTUBE]<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/MzgpU25C6fg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/MzgpU25C6fg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]​

Now, this film is just... insane. Just absolutely mental. I'll try and sum it up...

Anthony Head (Buffy, Little Britain, you know the guy, right?) plays a repo man who's job is to repossess the internal organs of transplant patients who don't pay their bills... by murdering them and stealing the organs back for the company he works for. So far, so Hellraiser, I here you say, well, here's the twist.

It's an opera.

A rock opera.

Seriously.

It's 'We Will Rock You' with Anthony effing Head cutting people up with a scalpel and singing about it. It's absolutely mental. It isn't totally joking, but, of course, it isn't totally serious and that's the perfect mix for a film like this. As far as I know, this one's going straight onto DVD. If you like you're horror weird and... out there, seriously, check this out. Get down to BlockBusters, or sail your ship into Pirate Bay *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* and check this out for a few hours of pure fun. It won't challenge you, it won't move you, it won't even scare you all that much, but man, it'll entertain you.

~Album~

I wasn't too sure about this one. I thought the way to do it would be to look at my most played list on iTunes and find something interesting. As TWO's resident scene kid, that list mostly consisted of pop punk, hardcore, electro and hip hop far too embarrassing to reveal to you lovely people. Then I decided that with section would be perfect for an utterly shameless plug for one of my friends bands. Ladies and gentleman, I give you You Me At Six and their current album 'Take Off Your Colours'.

[YOUTUBE]<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4cidd5eBViA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4cidd5eBViA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]​

Now, some of you guys may know them already, as they're actually getting kinda big. They've had videos on MTV and Kerrang, supported Fall Out Boy live and will be appearing in North America's famed Vans Warped Tour this Summer. For those of you who haven't, they're a five-piece pop punk (some may call it emo, but they would be wrong) band from Weybridge in Surrey. The album itself was released in October of last year and actually did stunningly well, peaking at number 25 in the charts. Obviously, as with any sort of band with any sort of success, the "Sell-Out!" alarm was sent ringing out across the rooftops of Camden Town, because, as we all know, if more than five people have heard of you, you're a sell-out these days.

Anyway, negative press aside, this album is just greatness. The two currently released singles 'Save It For The Bedroom', 'If I Were In Your Shoes', 'Gossip' and 'Jealous Minds Think Alike' might possibly be the best tracks on the album, but keep your eye our (shouldn't that be ear?) for albums tracks 'The Truth Is A Terrible Things' and 'Always Attract' (featuring a backing vocals performance from lead singer John Franceschi rather lovely sister), both of which are absolute pop rock classics in their own right.

I'd recommend this album for, well, anyone who isn't one of those "OMG IT'S EMO ITS SO EMO! I CAN'T POSSIBLY ADMIT I LIKE THIS! I'M GOING HOME AND LISTENING TO AMON AMARTH!", but I think it'll go down especially smoothly for any fans of Paramore, All Time Low, New Found Glory and Fall Out Boy's older songs.

~Book~

This is a bit of a cheat. You see, I read this book a few years ago, on a plane ride to Sweden (I read fast, what can I say), but recently, I read it again. You see, this book is about to be turned into a film (apparently starring George Clooney) and more than anything, I was ready it back to ask "...how?". The book's called The Men Who Stare At Goats by a quite brilliant journalist by the name of Jon Ronson.

It's a non-fiction book about Mr. Ronson attempting to discover (in his own bumbling, subtly joking way) all the black operation programs the U.S. Army have executed. For those who don't know, a black operation program is a program run by the army in TOTAL secret. The army denies they exist, the government doesn't even know they exist... stuff like that. If you've seen the (awesome) film 'Munich', well, that's a black operation. Anyway, on his travels to find out all these black-ops programs, Ronson discovers that the U.S. Army used to pay people to sit in a shed in the middle of the Nevada desert staring at goats to see if they, through psychic powers, would be able to kill the goats. Seriously. He has evidence.

After that, I kind of becomes a hunt for the people who stared at the goats, and to see how successful it was, and why the U.S. Army ever bothered to do something quite so stupid with tax-payers money. He also discovers several other rather stupid sounding black-ops programs that managed to, strangely work, and MANY that didn't (including a bomb full sexual stimulants that was too be dropped on Iraq with the intention that the Iraqi army would become so aroused from it that they would all start having sex with each other and ignore the on going war). I BEG you to go out and read this book before the film. If only so you can say, "Yeah, whatever, that book was way better than the films" because, honestly, who DOESN'T love saying that?

---------------------------------------------------------------
Movie Mayhem
DC
---------------------------------------------------------------



The Watchmen started life as an adult comic-book written by Alan Moore and first released in 1986. It tells the story of an alternate timeline where Nixon was re-elected into a third term as US President, the world is at the brink of nuclear war as the U.S.S.R. and the U.S.A. stockpile weapons and superheros exist, except none of them have superpowers until Dr. Manhattan appears on the scene.

The President outlaws superheroes and the masked vigilantes (because, at their core, that's all they are) fade away, their real-life alter-egos untainted by the costumed actions.

The comic, as the movie, begins when one of the retired heroes is killed in his apartment by an unknown assailant and the remaining Watchmen come together to find out who wants them dead.

Although the above is the basic plot, there is so much more depth and meaning spread across the pages of the comic. The subtlety and the minuté of the characters and their actions is something any fan of comics or superheroes should read.

Alan Moore has had three prior comics made into movies. These are 'From Hell' (a re-telling of "Jack the Ripper"), 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' (Victorian-era literary heroes join forces) and 'V for Vendetta' (masked vigilante attempts to bring down the UK's fascist government), each of which had varying degrees of success.

Moore, for his part, hates his work being translated to film and has backed up his loathing by refusing any royalties from the movies (which is a lot of money) and asking for his name to be removed from any credits. To be brutally honest, though, any time you hear Alan Moore in interviews talking about this subject, he comes across as a whining baby who feels that his work should be exempt from the rules that govern everyone else. He should, instead, be at least a little grateful that the movie exposure his work gets means that more people actually discover his comics in the first place.

Forgive me for digressing a little, it happens sometimes, and let's get back to the movie version, which I saw on Friday night, by finding out who is who.

MEET THE WATCHMEN

Rorschach: The only member of The Watchmen who remains active after the US government ban "masks". He is deeply psychotic and is violent beyond what would be considered reasonable by any hero standards (even The Punisher)... and he's the good guy.

Silk Spectre II: She is the daughter of the original Silk Spectre, she reluctantly became a hero. She is also in a relationship with Dr. Manhattan, but feels that his ever-increasing apathy for emotion and humanity is pulling them apart.

Nite Owl II: The hero with all the technology. Most people, when first taking a look at Nite Owl will automatically think of Batman, which is understandable. Once you go deeper than that, though, you will appreciate Nite Owl II on his own merits. Outwardly appears happy within his retirement, but secretly loved the superhero life and wishes to relive it every day.

The Comedian: One of only two superheroes who have revealed their secret identity to the US Government. A sadistic bully with a mean-streak and a complete disregard for "the rules". From rape, killing innocents and the unarmed, and shooting a pregnant woman down in cold blood, this guy should be detestable. It's a damning insight into our own moral psyche that he's not.

Ozymandias: The other superhero who has revealed his alter-ego, but he has also gone public with it as well. Known as the smartest human alive, he is also extremely quick with his hands and feet, making him an extremely dangerous hand-to-hand fighter. One of the world's wealthiest men, Ozymandias is using his fortune to find a renewable and clean energy source (how prophetic an idea was this in 1986) in an attempt to bring peace to the planet.

Dr. Manhattan: The only character in the entire comic who actually has any powers. Born as Jon Osterman, a scientist who is "killed" in an accident, only to eventually reform as Dr. Manhattan, a glowing blue figure who has complete control over everything and can create or destroy on a whim. He knows everything, has seen everything and is bored with humanity and the inability for him to dumb down the answers to the universe so that we can comprehend them.


Director: Zach Snyder
Writers: David Hayter, Alex Tse, Roberto Orci (uncredited), Alex Kurtzman (uncredited) - Comic Book: Dave Gibbons, Alan Moore (uncredited)
Starring: Malin Åkerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino
Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson
Rated: 18
Released: March 6th, 2009

A movie based on the "Holy Grail" of comic-books was always going to be a hard sell. The fact that Terry Gilliam, who is considered a master of filming the seemingly unfilmable, couldn't work out how to transfer Alan Moore's opus from paper to celluloid tells you all need to know about the difficult task Zach Snyder had taken on.

Given that he had to expunge a lot of the original work, although the elongated look back at the Minutemen (the first band of superheroes) is getting shown as 'Under the Hood' alongside the animated 'Tales of the Black Freighter' (the comic within a comic) that will be released on DVD in a few weeks, Snyder still manages to get a good two-and-a-half hours to tell the story and, for the most part he gets it pretty much spot on.

The real test, however, is whether those going in with no prior knowledge of the comics will enjoy the film. In my opinion, I think they will, but obviously not as much. The weight of who the characters are and the situations they find themselves in won't mean as much and, as there is a lot of information and back-story to take in, newcomers to the Watchmen's alternate timeline could easily get lost.

Is the movie perfect? No; there are little niggles that, while they won't ruin the enjoyment of the movie, nor do they detract, they are there, meaning the devoted fans of the comic will notice more than the casual movie fan. The most glaring of these is the wooden acting of Malin Åkerman, who delivers a lot of her lines like she is still doing a read-through rehearsal. She does, however, look absolutely stunning, so it's easy, if not shallow, to forgive her for this. Another small peeve is that some of the characters are given more exposition than others. While this is a difficult thing to avoid with an ensemble cast, it does leave you wondering about the back-story of Nite Owl II and Ozymandias while, at the other end of the spectrum, Dr. Manhattan, Silk Spectre II and Rorschach (pronounced Roar-Shack) have their history emblazoned on the screen.

To be fair, though, if that's all I can fault it on, Snyder has done a very good job, in my opinion, of making the unfilmable movie finally filmable.

As mentioned, Silk Spectre II is a visual treat for straight men and gay women (who get a hero of their own in a flashback to the early days), Nite Owl is played perfectly by Patrick Wilson, Ozymandias has some incredibly emotional and physical scenes and, best of all, both Dr. Manhattan and Rorschach have been translated as well as anyone (including Alan Moore, I would presume) could ever expect.

It is Rorschach who is the beating heart of the story; a violent sociopath who thinks nothing of breaking a few bones or killing a few goons to further the cause. The effects for his ink-blot mask are seamless and Jackie Earle Haley deserves some kind of recognition for his portrayal come award season. An Oscar nomination should not be out of his reach, regardless of how the elitist Academy looks down their nose at comic-book movies (look at the treatment of The Dark Knight for proof of this).

Dr. Manhattan, with his glowing penis on show for all to see, is another work of genius on behalf of Moore for coming up with the character, Dave Gibbons for drawing him and for Snyder and his crew for transposing that image to the cinema screen intact. The fact that this "god among men" seems so "normal" is probably the most genuinely surprising aspect of the entire movie.

Watchmen may be based on a comic, but anyone thinking that means it's a story for kids is in for a shock. The action is violent and brutal (from the opening scene), with snapped bones on show, bodies being eviscerated and their bloody mess splatting in all directions, bullet wounds in gory detail, unsettling man-on-woman assaults and many other visually violent acts, not to mention one of the most graphic sex-scenes ever to play in a mainstream movie (it's ok, she keeps her boots on), going together to create a very adult world that helps maintain authenticity... and allows Dr. Manhattan's glowing penis to be flashed up there for all to see.

The tone of the film, and the heroes inhabiting are best summed up by Rorschach, especially when someone tries to take him out in a prison where most of the inmates are there because he put them there, only for Rorschach to douse him in boiling oil.

"You're all making a mistake. I'm not locked in here with you! You're locked in here with ME!"

The script by David Hayter, known to most people as the voice of Solid Snake from the videogame series, is rippling with great dialogue and set-pieces. The visuals are perfect and the action is brutal and hard-hitting. The three main fight scenes are wonderful and I had a grin on my face throughout as the heroes do what they do best. The director took what he learned with the fight scenes in '300' and uses that experience to carve fresh life into the battles.

When the action slows down and the emotional context comes to the fore, Watchmen maintains its power. The final act is one that pays off the journey we have all taken and leaves you breathless when the credits role.

Even the soundtrack is inspired genius, with acts like Bobs Dylan and Marley cosying up to My Chemical Romance, Nena (German version of '99 Balloons'), Simon & Garfunkel, Tears for Fears and Nat King Cole to score the lives of these vigilantes being hunted by an unknown assailant.

It's only March, but, so far, this is the movie of the year and is, without doubt, the darkest superhero movie you could ever hope to imagine.

Most will like it, some will understandably hate it for the very reasons I enjoy it and some will go into it thinking that it'll be along the lines of Spider-Man an company, only to walk out when a big blue cock stares down at them from the screen.

Either way, this deserves to be lauded in cinema as much as the comic is in literature.

9/10

Trailer 1
Trailer 2
Official Website
Watchmen Wiki

With thanks to Total Film, Empire, AICN, Wikipedia and IMDb for helping with the information and pictures.

Thanks for reading,
Draven Cage


---------------------------------------------------------------
Member Spotlight
Nimf
---------------------------------------------------------------





The Genetic Jackhammer

SO, WHO ARE YOU AND HOW'D YOU GET HERE?
My name is The Genetic Jackhammer (aka Neill huwah) and I have been here for nearly a decade now; pretty cursed eh?

HOW DID YOU GET INTO WRESTLING?
Just started watching it around 1997 and have watched it ever since.

WHO DO YOU THINK SHOULD CURRENTLY HAVE THE MAIN TITLES ON ECW, SMACKDOWN, RAW AND TNA?
Jack Swagger, Randy Orton (Raw), The Undertaker, Sharkboy.

WHAT ABOUT WRESTLING/WRESTLERS/WRESTLING FANS ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
When people who think they know it all keep mouthing crap to you and then go on about all that smark/mark garbage etc.

SO FAR, WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR MATCH OF THE YEAR?
Mike Knox squash match.

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR FAVOURITE PROMO/BACKSTAGE MOMENT?
Anything with Kelly Kelly.

IF YOU COULD START A CHANT AT A WRESTLING SHOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A jussssssssssssssssssssssssssss (don't ask).

DO YOU HAVE AN ALL TIME FAVOURITE CLIQUE/ALLIANCE?
The nWo.

WHAT IS THE LAST TEXT YOU RECEIVED AND WHO WAS IT FROM?
Pau Barber with a grotesque sexual joke.

FANTASY JOB?
Pornstar (only to go with hot chicks though).

WHISTLE-STOP TOUR OF THE WORLD-WHAT 3 COUNTRIES/PLACES WOULD YOU HAVE TO VISIT?
Japan, Italy & Portugal.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYBODY, PAST OR PRESENT, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Kelly Kelly and/or Maryse.

WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST MEMORY?
Don't know.

WHAT WERE/ARE YOUR FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE SCHOOL SUBJECTS?
Favourite - P.E & Irish, least favourite - Accounts & Maths.

WHICH OF THE 7 DEADLY SINS DO YOU THINK YOU 'FALL' TO THE MOST?
Thou shall not steal. (Not a sin but okay...)

WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD,WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE ALL GROWN UP?
A Transformer.

IF YOU COULD STAR IN ANY MOVIE IN ANY ROLE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The Terminator.

WHAT 3 THINGS WOULD YOU SAVE FROM YOUR HOME IN AN EMERGENCY (OTHER THAN FAMILY AND PETS OF COURSE!)
Laptop, stash of hash & me 360.

---------------------------------------------------------------
GhettoBlastin'
Fidel Cashflow
---------------------------------------------------------------




DEBUTING NEXT EDITION!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------
The Video Games Zone
Al Stevens
---------------------------------------------------------------



Hi, and welcome to a slight return to the newsletter for myself. I must completely apologize for missing a few issues. Let’s just say personal matters were in more need to be dealt with.

Right, for today's issue (I know it’s been out for a few weeks) I am going to be looking at the return to form that is Street Fighter IV. Also a feature looking at whether gaming from the 1990s has still got its charm and a greater look into the gaming news. However, before we do any of these, let's have a look at Warner Brothers Interactive and Monolith’s first-person action horror game; F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin.


In 2005, Monolith and Sierra games released a first-person game which was called 'First Encounter Assault Recon' (which is short for F.E.A.R. surprisingly), and this game dealt with a mixture of John Woo/The Matrix style guns with a massive hint of horror which surely was inspired by the Japanese horror films Ringu, Ju-on: The Grudge, Dark Water, etc.

Basically, quite a lot of the psychological horror is in the shape of a little girl with raven black hair covering 90% to 100% of her face. The first game got mixed reviews and I myself wasn’t the biggest fan of the original game. However, as time passed and the demo hit both PSN and X-Box Live, I had to give it another try... and was pretty impressed, which led to me picking up the game.

F.E.A.R. 2 starts off where the final level of the first game is being played out. So during the first level, it’s teaching you the key aspects of the game to make sure you survive. Then the game takes you through a story which explains a tiny bit more about the mysterious Alma (who now has two forms; the creepy little girl that we know and hate and, now, a skinny grown woman which normally isn’t scary, however,, now that she is free, her powers have doubled in strength - including making you, the gamer, fight off ghosts of the recently deceased).

The violence and gore in this game is pretty OTT. I think realism is something they avoided, which is great (one round of a shotgun can cause the body to explode in a pool of red mist). Also, the good thing is that the AI is slightly improved. For example, the soldiers which you’re dealing with will kick tables over to create cover and will even try to flank you into position.

The freshly-nuked city environments look stunning, like something out the future shown in Terminator, the addition of the mech-like robots are beyond fun to control and the use of a two 50-cal miniguns and a four-rocket pack are brilliant. Once again, if these hit anyone, then you don’t see much other than a spray of red.

The two parts which I didn’t really enjoy about the games were the multi-player and the ending. If you get to the end and not think “What the f*ck did I just witness”, then you’ll be heading in a better direction than me. As for the MP, the fact that there is no slow-mo action in it pretty much shows the main problem of the F.E.A.R. games in general. Behind all the scary actions like Alma and the gore and the slow-mo time feature, F.E.A.R. is actually just a bog-standard FPS which hides behind some gimmicky stuff.

In conclusion, I would say that if you liked the demo, or the first game, get it. From a narrative point of view, the game is strong, with some good moments of voice acting. However, I was pretty let down with the “WTF” ending (which I guess they wanted to lead into the third F.E.A.R. game).

Al’s rating of F.E.A.R. 2 - a Solid 8 out of 10.

Right, time for a shorter edition of the news.

Have you ever fancied owning the property rights to a video game? Well, since Midway has filed for bankruptcy, rumours have been flying around that the game which helped to make Midway a successful company, Mortal Kombat, is going to be put up for sale. However, if you want to buy the game, then it’s your's for a bargain price of $240million.

The teaser trailer for XBox360's amazing sci-fi film-noir game, “Mass Effect 2”, has been released and while it doesn’t ask much about the game details, it does bring the questions of Sheppard and is the Geth back in this one?

[YOUTUBE]<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oIOaJA-apis&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oIOaJA-apis&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]​

Finally, have you ever fancied a red XBox360? With the release of Resident Evil 5 only a few days away, the people at Microsoft have announced that the Elite is having a change of colour. For me, I can see it being pretty cool, however, the red lights will be harder to see compared to the black or white 360s of old.

A couple of weeks ago, Sega released the Megadrive Collection (or Genesis collection if you're American) for PS3 and XBox360, and it got me wondering; can games of the 1990s still stand up to both the same level of enjoyment and, more importantly, is close to £25 worth the price?

[YOUTUBE]<object width="480" height="295"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wdl26v7qDSA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wdl26v7qDSA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="295"></embed></object>[/YOUTUBE]​

Now, I'm sure, for a lot of people, there is going to be one factor of their childhood which will stay in the minds forever. For some it would be seeing Hogan slamming Andre the Giant or it would be seeing the Simpsons for the first time. while for others (and maybe like most gamers), it would be the moment when you got your first games machine.

My first real introduction to Sega was at the age of 10, with the 16-bit Mega Drive 1 and, of course, Sonic playing in the background. It is strange that, 15 years later, with the announcement of the ultimate collection, memories came flooding back of going to the local video shop and renting games out with my pocket money.

Sure, there have been other collections released, (more so the classics collection) where it had a couple of classic games (like Golden Axe, Alien Syndrome and Outrun), but nothing which grabbed you by the balls and made you want to get it. However with the Ultimate Mega Drive Collection, you have 40 games to start with and then seven arcade games and two Master System games to unlock, which puts the grand total to 49 games on either one DVD or Blu-ray.

First off, the games still play as they always did, with thanks to a pre-game screen which tells you which buttons are to be used. The games also allow you to save mid-game which isn’t really a new thing, thanks to that being included on the XBox arcade (which I will get to later), as well as changing the ratio of the games from being in 4:3 to 16:9 and in HD.

The one thing which I forgot about is the large amount of side-scrolling games which were released. I know nowadays it’s argued that the first-person shooter genre has been overdone to death, however, it’s just what was popular at the time. I'm sure, with the success of Super Mario Brothers in Japan, everyone thought it would be a good idea to reproduce the success with different games (for example even though they are part of the same genre you cannot argue that games like Golden Axe and Streets of Rage are based upon the different settings.)

Firing up Ecco the Dolphin for the first time in ages still proves that it was one of the better looking games in the 16-bit era (and this is not even looking at the earlier mentioned MK in the news section).

The only, and I mean the only drawbacks for this classic games package to work are people who have emulators and the ROMs of the games and the XBox Live Arcade feature.

The first case is emulators and ROMs of the games. Since the birth of the internet, you have been able to get pretty much anything and everything, included classic games.

I have seen it posted on the actual forums that “Why should you pay for this being a internet guy”? Well first off, the ROMS will never let you play the game in full HD. Also, a lot of folk like to be online maybe to talk on a IM programme and game at the same time, which having a SNES emulator before, is damn near impossible.

There is also the fact that it could be classed as illegal to have; I think naturally copyright issues would be one factor. Either way, it’s one factor which might make the game not sell as well as expected.

The final part is that some of the games have appeared on XBox Live Arcade, and it would feel like a slap in the face for the gamers who have say a few of them to have them and paid 800 gamer points, which comes to about £5.00 in real money. It would have been easier to wait for the game to come out and then buy it on disk. However, you can never excuse Sega for trying to get some extra money after the rapid downfall to game developer.

Looking at all the details which I have given out, and actually playing the Mega Drive Collection on XBox, I think that the idea of having two copies of say, Sonic 2, on one machine is a bit crap. Looking at whether this is worth the £25, and are the games of the past as engaging as before, the answer is a massive yes. For me, putting on something like Shinobi and playing away with all the memories coming back is nowhere near £25, that is truly priceless. The only hope is, if they do a follow up collection, that they could include other games which they couldn’t include, either down to cross-over characters or games with massive product placement. Oh, and a bit of Earthworm Jim would never hurt anyone.

The final part of tonight newsletter is well quite a big game.


In 1987, Capcom released an arcade game called Street Fighter to, well, pretty much mixed reviews. This was the first game which would then start off a worldwide phenomenon. With sales of the game going through the roof (even I had Street Fighter 2 on the SNES when I was 10 years old), Street Fighter 2 spawned seven versions of the game (with the latest version being Street Fighter 2 HD Remix out on PS3’s PSN network and XBox Live) then the mixed and looked-down-upon Street Fighter 3.

Released on the PS3, XBox360 and, eventually, PC, Street Fighter 4 is finally out. The latest entrant in the franchise has some changes. The first thing which has changed is the character design. The new look of Street Fighter 4 is cel-shaded. This was first introduced with The Legend of Zelda: Windwaker and Capcom have followed suit. Also it’s noticeable that most of the characters seem bigger built and that could easily be thanks to steroids.

However, the game plays like a charm. With the graphical changes in place, you would have thought that the gameplay would have changed as well. If you liked the evolution with 3rd-strike and the Alpha series, then you will be aware of the Super- and Hyper-combos. However in the 4th official game, they have a new attack called the Focus attack. This is a move which can be used to stun your opponent and leave them open for a combination of blows. The Focus attack can also help to counter or block moves as well. Actually the focus can be used for anything, and is something which can be quickly learned but will take an age to master.

As per usual with a new game, there will be new characters. In this instance, there is Able, who is a French MMA fighter; Crimson Viper, who is an American assassin; Rufus, who is an overweight fighter and El Fuerte, who is a Mexican wrestler. Also, there is a new end boss in town called Seth, who looks a bit like Cyborg and uses the special moves from the other characters. Hidden characters include Akuma and Gouken (Gouken is the man who trained Ken and Ryu).

The most exciting part of Street Fighter 4 is the online mode. There is the classic ranked and non-ranked matches, however they have an option in the game which, while sounding insanely cool, is really annoying; the feature which allows people online to challenge you to a match at any time during the single player mode. It’s to give the gamer a feeling of an arcade vibe and while it was fun at first, if you have been beating the computer and you get challenged it will re-set the match; annoying if you had the computer on the ropes.

It’s not a surprise that I have been very critical of beat-em-ups. Nothing seemed to hold my attention, however, Street fighter 4 has been, not only a very, very good game, it’s a game which I shall fire up every other night for a few hours a day. Street Fighter might have been away and got a facelift, but this is still one hell of a tough old gaming series and will have bring new fans to the series.

Al’s rating: 9.5 out of 10

That is it, a welcome return to the Games Zone. I'm going to see what I can do to try and get to E3, or one of the other many gaming shows, to see what I could get for the newsletter and also my own personal gain. Well, I have to do something to pass the time untill the release of Resident Evil 5

Adios

Al Stevens


---------------------------------------------------------------
Quote, Unquote
Fiona
---------------------------------------------------------------



Hiya all.

It's time, once again, to see what's on the minds of the lads and lassies here at TWO. My advice; be afraid, be very, very afraid.

Not this s**t again.
Aw, come on Al, give me a chance. Geesh.
Why do I live on a planet where this website exists?
And what website would that be, Mr. Hancock?
I'm probably on an F.B.I. register now.
Oh, one of those websites? Never mind.
Surely, we have a right to know if there is a paedophile living down the road from us?
Of course you do, and when you find out where he lives, avoid it like the plague.
By the end of the world would they they mean the end of life or planet.
Ermm kind of the same result. No?
Drake said:
Well, he can walk 4 miles if he wants to arrived at Walmart sweating like a pig, but I don't think that would be the best way to present yourself at a job.
Knowing Walmart they might immediately promote him to manager.
The Icon said:
They don't do lists of people who swear too much.
Yes they do, and Taki's name is right on top.
Jimmy Redman said:
Its naive to think that because we like democracy that it should be universal and we have the right to force it on other cultures.
Unfortunately, the leader of the free world for the last 8 years couldn't figure that out.
Laffy said:
It is starting to get annoying when you know some people are blantently making rubish up.
Sorry about that. I'm just trying to get my post count up there with Nemesis.
Omega said:
Do you know how many people I've had to kill to keep the sun happy becuase of people like you!!
Well not enough obviously. Line forms to the right.

---------------------------------------------------------------
Blabbermouth
Darkstar
---------------------------------------------------------------


I Don’t Half Ramble On

Howdy all; a new column for an old editor who has been brought back from retirement to just… well, just to talk crap actually.

Anyway, I decided that, for my first column, I would write about a subject dear to our hearts; the greatest of all the Kens? Which Ken is the all-round most amazing fella? Our subjects will be scored on various attributes: Pulling Power, Fighting Prowess, Intelligence and Transportation.


Ken Barlow

Pulling Power: BA DA BOOM! Ken Barlow is the stud of Coronation Street, and indeed UK TV. He has had 4 wives and 27 girlfriends. Not bad for a man who looks like Harrison Ford's washed-out older brother. And one of those girlfriends was Joanna Lumley! Yeah, that’s right amigos, Ken Barlow was knocking off Purdey! A score of 10 out of 10 for Barlow.

Fighting Prowess: Well, old Barlow has had some good punch-ups in the past, and when he knocked Mike Baldwin out, it was a better and more realistic looking punch than anything else on the list. But that’s it, no special moves at all. Shame. Could you imagine Corrie if Barlow could do stuff like in Mortal Kombat? "Game of darts David Platt? Sure, I will use my ‘GETOVERHERE!’ Spear thing right through the eye of the untalented little tw*t". 6/10

Intelligence: What can be said? He was a teacher, a writer, a newspaper editor, a lover of the arts and a trolley collector at a supermarket. Easily a super-smart man, almost a superman in fact. 9/10

Transportation: A blue Skoda Favorit… oh dear, oh dear. This seems to be the losing point for Barlow; a Skoda of this era is not only a chick -repeller, but is also not very reliable. Mind, I wonder if he drives it in order to dampen his pulling power, so as not to draw every moist panty from the whole of the North straight to The Rovers Return? That would explain it. 2/10

So the Barlow gets an impressive 27/40


Ken Kennedy (Mr)

Pulling Power: Pah, all those Divas and this goody goody barely glances at them. Kennedy seems far more interested in checking out MVP than the booty; MVP's aside obviously. Still, here on TWO, we don’t judge… but he’s still not a looker or often pulling. A poor effort here Mr Kennedy. 2/10 (for being married)

Fighting Prowess: Well he has a full moveset, so credit to him for that. But he just can’t deliver a right hook like Barlow can, plus on more than one occasion he has injured himself due to muscle mass and botched moves. If it’s a pub fight, get in Barlow, but in the ring, well get in Barlow again. On the other hand, Kennedy is trained in Eskrima, for those of you who don’t know that translates as ‘f*cking sticks and swords man!’. People practise in friendly sword duels with no protection at all. None! That takes balls of steel. 8/10

Intelligence: OK, this is a man who told interviewers he didn’t take steroids while on a suspension for taking steroids. Not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Plus look at that picture up there, he looks like an inbred hick, threatening to b*tchslap his wife/sister for not having grits ready for tea. 2/10

Transport: Whatever he can rent or buy a ticket for. Yet this is still cooler than the Skoda. 3/10

This is a disappointing score, just 15/40 for the WWE superstar.



Ken Masters

Pulling Power: The guy is shafting Guile's sister-in-law. Now would you want to mess with the family of a man who can make a sonic boom with his bare hands? That sister-in-law must be worried about the chafing that Guile could do to her special place if he can move his hands that fast, so Ken was second. Oh well, maybe next time. 3/10

Fighting Prowess: Shō-ryū-ken! What more needs to be said? This is a move that would leave even Barlow without a head, a move that could actually open a bottle of Dog without upsetting a Geordie, a move that could even bruise Chuck Norris! Yeah that’s right, even Norris is worried. 10/10

Intelligence: He fights on the streets for a living. Yeah real smart. Oh, and don’t forget about him being a conman. And I have it on good authority he dropped out of high school because he couldn’t spell his own name, hell it took him until 1994 before he could even spell his surname. And for the love of God, if you must wear red, don’t have yellow trim! 1/10

Transport: He flies around the world in a plane, he does! I’ve seen what happens in Street Fighter 2; it shows a plane flying around the world! SCREW YOU GUILE, I HAVE MY OWN PLANE! Yeah, Ken Masters don’t need no air force plane in the background. 8/10

A respectable 22/40



Ken Carson

Pulling Power: Well Ken is no slouch in the gym. In fact, for a man to match his freakish proportions, a Yale University psychologist worked out that ‘a man would have to grow 20 inches taller and add nearly 8 inches to his neck circumference, 11 inches to his chest and 10 inches to his waist to resemble the muscular Ken’. Holy cow, he must have one hell of a packa… oh, oh yeah. No dong means no action and how long should a woman have to wait for God's sake? Barbie has needs too! Mind, I think Ken is boinking that black lass who hangs with Barbie, plus he’s waiting for Skipper Roberts to hit 18! 7/10

Fighting Prowess: Ken was a Marine; did you know that? Yeah, in 1991, according to the internet. But I question how much has stayed with him. The guy was a gay icon, an ice dancer and Shaggy from Scooby Doo! Not the most macho of macho men, plus those plastic arms don’t have the ability to bend enough to put any force into a strike. 1/10

Intelligence: Now this is where Ken shines, he has been a doctor, a ballet dancer, an Olympic Gold Medallist (reports on if he had a broken freakin' neck have yet to be confirmed), a fashion insider and an airline pilot. A real renaissance man. 10/10

Transport: Does he have his own transport? Or does he have to bum off his girlfriend for the rest of time? Come on Ken, man up and ditch the pink convertible and get a tank. Or a Range Rover. Or at least something better than those rollerblades. 0/10

A could have been worse 18/40

RESULT


In conclusion, the greatest Ken of all time is KEN BARLOW! Go on, old son! Still, was anyone surprised? I know I wasn't, but I did write this piece of crap.

I hope you enjoyed, or at least didn't detest my column because, it's back soon.

Take Care,

DS

---------------------------------------------------------------
The Probe
TMJ
---------------------------------------------------------------



Ok, I'll level with you: I was supposed to debut a brand new Probe for this newsletter edition. The working idea was to find an interesting member of the TWO community, past or present, to discuss their time as a part of the site and for a bit of circlejerking and pointless bitching. The piece would span a few pages and would be universally praised as the best part of the newsletter, as per usual, capturing the imaginations of readers the world over. I really would have the whole world in my hands, just like God.

God does have one thing that I don't, though – success with deadlines. He took his seven days and created a masterpiece. I have had nearly double that amount of time and have been able to write nothing, find nobody and hand in a big slab of f**k-all. I showed DC my package and for a brief moment, he suddenly understood how Nimf has felt for the past few years. In truth, the people I need for this special probe haven't been around this week. I will have that probe for you in the next newsletter and it will fittingly be in time for a certain Hall Of Fame ceremony... how coincidental. But that's all I'm saying. Just make sure you're around; Ok, Inno?

So in the spirit of new beginnings for the newsletter, I figured that I'd introduce the new readers and regulars who simply need reacquainting with the Probe. Over the years, we've had some of the most beloved, controversial and downright annoying members talk to myself about the site we know and... well, we definitely know it. Here's just a sample of some of the amazing questions and answers that the Probe is known for...
NL Edition #106 - Popsi

Well you said earlier that you aren't seen around TWO as a whole much anymore. Is the lack of interest in wrestling a part of it? Or the aformentioned problems at the forum? Or an outside force?

Popsi: The wrestling isn't a part of it, no. Some of it is to do with leaving uni; that was a pretty major upheaval. But a lot of it is to do with the fact that a lot of the time I don't feel a part of the forum, I find it hard to reply to threads a lot of the time as I just dont feel connected. Probably it's my doing, but I know other older members have experienced the same problem. Maybe we are refusing to move on from what are considered glory days for the site, but I just find it hard to connect to a lot of people now.

I was about to say. Do you think it's more to do with a new influx of people who add "little" or the old guard refusing to move on in order to make TWO bigger?

Popsi: A bit of both I think. The old guard can be stuck in the past (I think I'm guilty of that to an extent), but I also do think that certain member changes haven't helped.

Do you not think that there are certain "n00bs" who HAVE added the site?

Popsi: Oh yeah, for sure, people like Christof have added to the site, though for a while I didn't like him, and he still annoys me sometimes, but he has helped the site I think. Also Wyndorf I like, he's a good guy - and a Monster Magnet fan. Darkstar is another who seems like a good person too. To be fair a lot of the n00bs (I hate that phrase) who were complete idiots at the start have brought something to the site. Jack for instance was not a pleasant person when he was first around, but he's matured into someone nicer - though just don't bring up the gay thing! And Tajiri San who was a pain in the neck to start is a better poster now.

...

Do you still see yourself here in five years?

Popsi: I think so, don't see why not, Though who knows what'll happen? Could be married with kids by then. Should probably start by getting a boyfriend though! Any offers, send them to seriouslydeluded@needtogetalife.com

I hear Boyo might be single?

Popsi: *grabs barge pole* nope, still wouldn't touch him.
NL Edition #110 - The Crippler

What memories stick out in your mind the most, both positive and negative, from the site?

Crippler: Positive, I'm not sure if there are many actual moments as such. I loved going into chat back in the day. Wrestlemania 17 Chat was fantastic. That was a lot of fun. Then chat seemed to have died. It has seemed to have recovered, though, which is good. I should go there more often. Also winning "Member of the Year" three years in a row was great. I won't win it again, but it'll take a while for someone to overtake me. Negative, I think the whole RX thing was probably the lamest thing ever. There have also been occasions where people aren't quite what they say they are and that's also a bit rubbish. Generally that's about it though. RX and people lying.

Do you feel the site has increased or decreased in quality, both from posters and in general?

Crippler: I dunno. I think it's still a really great site and it has a great community feel about it still, especially in comparison to other boards I've seen. There was a while where I thought it definitely has decreased in quality in terms of posters but I'm not sure it ever did. It's certainly of a good standard now, I think. Obviously you'll get idiots but you get them every where. In general, I think Kam has really increased the quality of TWO while branching out into other things.

...

Do you see yourself still here in five years time?

Crippler: Unless I'm hit by a bus. Or get a life.
NL Edition #111 - Simon

So who am I probing here? State your name, and any other additional information that you think I'll care about but probably don't

Simon: You are probing a bitter SOB called Simon who's been at TWO for far longer than he can remember, used to write some damn interesting articles, and is only really still around because Russ has a dirty secret about him that prevents him from leaving this place. And I don't like gays. Write that down.

So what's the secret?

Simon: Well it's not really a secret per se, he just knows someone from my home town who speaks to my friends and could pretty much ruin my life by telling them all that I write/work for a wrestling site. As if being a wrestling fan isn't embarrassing enough, getting passionate about it and writing about it is something I'd like to maybe keep from them all.

Is that the infamous Gloria?

Simon: Indeed it is. Damn that Gloria. Damn her to Hell. And damn Russ whilst we're at it.

...

Would you rather TWO remain a small entity with good posters and a friendly atmosphere or a large community opening up new opputunities but losing the "post quality" it once had?

Simon: Well... this is a good question, and I know Kam's interests are of course to have the place open to as many as possible, but I've always been an old school guy who believes that idiots should just be shouted down and treated crap for their own good so that they become good posters eventually, otherwise they wont get listened to. If you look at the forum just now I could list a few that have really improved since they joined, like Jack, or even at the moment Gene, good posters now who maybe annoyed people quite a lot at the start, I really think opening it up too much without coming down on moronic posters is a bad idea, but I guess I'm happy these days because the mods, I think, in the last year finally started clamping down on it all. The small entity idea is good, of course, but I guess there's a balance to be reached.
NL Edition #113 - Nicole

You've been here a long time, seen a lot of people come and go and moments where the forum seems more storyline-driven than wrestling. What moments stick out to you as the most memorable as a part of TWO?

Nicole: Jeebus, theres loads! Tanya! That was very funny looking back. The Gang, I was a part of it. We were the original RX type people, except without the egos and feeling like we were better than everybody else. But still, I move on. A lot of the more interesting stuff was the stuff happening between TWO members, but wasn't being published on the boards. Won't tell stories, but I could probably write a book on everything. I was so nosy. I even knew HSMs work patterns!

...

You gonna be around in five years time?

Nicole: Depends. Will you be? ;)

Depends. Will you be? ;)

Nicole: Why wait 5 years, you've got my number.

Hasn't everyone?

Nicole: You bitch.

I hear you have a boyfriend.

Nicole: Ha, funny boy. Yes

So are your hands full with/of him right now?

Nicole: Very much so. I'm working with his band, and spending time with him is a full time job.

So what's left for Nicole to accomplish in life?

Nicole: Lots and lots! Getting all my A levels, hopefully sort out some stuff for the band, and have so much fun and sex and drink! Yeah, go me. Make some money too. I'm skint!
Just a handful of past Probes to tickle your tastebuds, so to speak. I would have posted more, but that would blow my load and you never know when I'll need to do another one of these when I've failed to submit something in.

Oh, and if you want to be put on the future possibilities list for being probed, PM me and I'll add you. You must be interesting, up for any questioning, and have your Anime_Otaku jokes at the ready. If you fit that bill, please let me know. If you're The Maxx, please don't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have approximately 1 year, 5 months and 13 days to claim my sex with Nicole.

Ciao!

---------------------------------------------------------------
Wrestling 101 Info Centre
---------------------------------------------------------------




Latest Wrestling 101 Articles:

> The Road Through the Past: WWE Royal Rumble 2002

> WWE: Edge - A Decade of Decadence DVD Review

> WWE Cyber Sunday 2008 DVD Review

> WWE Live in the UK DVD Review (November 2008)

Latest Wrestling 101 Blogs:

> Worked Shoot #8: The Georges St. Pierre Greasing Controversy

> SSP: WWE Tag Team Division

---------------------------------------------------------------
This Week in WWE
TPIB
---------------------------------------------------------------



WWE Monday Night RAW Match Results- March 2, 2009

  • Money-in-the-Bank Qualifying Match: Triple Threat:
    Kane def. Rey Mysterio & Mike Knox by pinning Mike Knox following the Big Red Chokeslam to be the second to qualify for the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania.
  • Mickie James & Kelly Kelly def. Beth Phoenix & Jillian by Kelly Kelly rolling up Jillian.
  • Winner Face The Undertaker At WrestleMania:
    Shawn Michaels def. Vladimir Kozlov by pin following Sweet Chin Music to end the undefeated streak of Vladimir Kozlov and to earn the opportunity to face The Undertaker at WrestleMania.
  • World Heavyweight Championship:
    John Cena def. Edge (c) by DQ following a title belt shot; Edge retains.

ECW on Sci-Fi Match Results- March 3, 2009

  • Kane def. Boogeyman by pin following the Big Red Chokeslam.
  • Money-in-the-Bank Qualifying Match: Squash Match:
    Mark Henry def. Santino Marella by pin following the World's Strongest Slam to qualify for the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.
  • Natalya def. Alicia Fox by submission to the Sharpshooter.
  • 6-Man Tag:
    ECW Champion Jack Swagger & World Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison def. Christian, Finlay (with Hornswoggle), & Tommy Dreamer by Jack Swagger pinning Christian following the Swagger Bomb.

WWE SmackDown March 6, 2009 Match Results

  • Money-in-the-Bank Qualifying Match:
    MVP def. Matt Hardy by roll-up to qualify for the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania.
  • Non-Title: Maryse def. Eve Torres by pin following the French Kiss.
  • Money-in-the-Bank Qualifying Match: Non-Title:
    Shelton Benjamin def. Jeff Hardy by DQ when Matt Hardy attacks Shelton Benjamin; Shelton Benjamin qualifies for the Money-in-the-Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania.
  • Non-Title: Triple H & Umaga fight to a No Contest when Randy Orton & Legacy surround ringside.

Full results: This Week In WWE: Edition XXXXIV March 1, 2009- March 7, 2009

Superstar of the Week: Shawn Michaels

---------------------------------------------------------------
TWO Questions
Laffy
---------------------------------------------------------------



This weeks questions:

1. Who is your Wrestler of the Fortnight?
2. What is your all time favourite Wrestlemania match?

DarkMatchJobber
Wrestler of the Fortnight - Shawn Michaels - defeated JBL and ended Kozlov's undefeated streak to earn a Wrestlemania showdown with Undertaker.

Part one
Part two


Favourite Mania Match - The Rock vs Steve Austin at Wrestlemania 17 because it was a great babyface vs babyface match with a shock ending.

JamesMXPX
Wrestler of the Fortnight - I would have to say my "Wrestler of the Fortnight" is HHH. His stuff on Raw has been quality both of the last two weeks, it has went down well and his "emotion" is portrayed perfectly. Really good stuff.

Triple H chases Orton backstage

Favourite Mania Match - My favourite Wrestlemania match is the Fatal Four-Way Main Event at Wrestlemania 2000. The WWF Champion Triple H w/Stephanie Vs the Rock w/Vince McMahon Vs the Big Show w/Shane McMahon Vs Mick Foley w/Linda McMahon.

This is my favourite as the idea of a McMahon in each corner is intriguing, and the match itself had some good strong work and the screwy ending made the match.


Part one
Parts 2-5 are linked from the above URL


Dutt
Wrestler of the Fortnight - My "Wrestler of the Fortnight" would have to be Jack Swagger.

He participated in a fantastic "Match of the Year" candidate against Christian, which he won, and also picked up an important win in a 6-man tag match this week. He's quickly becoming one of the biggest players in WWE and can only improve with time.


Christian v Jack Swagger part one
Christian v Jack Swagger part two

Favourite Mania Match - My all time favourite WrestleMania match is The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin from WrestleMania X7; arguably the greatest WrestleMania of all time. To set the stage, the build-up video package is probably the best I've seen. Add to that, an incredibly hot Texas crowd and the two pioneers of the Attitude Era, and you have one hell of a match. Full of drama, near falls, brutality and constant action with a total shock ending, THIS is the Attitude Era that I know and love, summed up into just one match.

The Rock v Steve Austin part one
Parts 2 and 3 are linked from the above URL


Laffy
Wrestler of the Fortnight - Randy Orton. As mentioned above, the promo last Monday really set the feud and built the match perfectly. To see HHH’s emotions almost explode, to see Randy confident in his abilities, but also scared of what Hunter might do, is brilliant.

Orton/HHH promo from this week's RAW part one
Orton/HHH promo from this week's RAW part two


Favourite Mania Match - My all time favourite WrestleMania match is HBK vs. Vince McMahon. The match was built perfectly, with Vince making HBK’s life a living hell. I loved the bit where Shane comes down to the ring to help his dad and then is handcuffed to the ropes, having to watch HBK take revenge on his dad.

Shawn Michaels v Mr. McMahon part one
Shawn Michaels v Mr. McMahon part two

---------------------------------------------------------------
TWO Photoshop League
ScottyB
---------------------------------------------------------------



TWO’s Photoshop League *With Prizes*

Welcome to the first edition of TWO’s Photoshop Challenge, which will involve you, the TWO community, and some form of image editing software. I recommend using either MS Paint, which will likely already be installed on your PC, or Paint.Net, which is free, legal, and available from http://www.getpaint.net/.

For the next four months I’ll be hosting a league, where I give you three words and you make an image that combines them how you see fit. You will have one week from the newsletter being posted to PM me your image (or a link to it) for your entry into the competition.

After the deadline, I will create a poll in the Newsletter Staff Forum, where each entry will be placed for voting. The newsletter staff will then vote on which one is their favourite. To eliminate any bias towards members, instead of posting your name by your entry, I’ll post a number, and only I will know which picture is yours.

During the next issue, I will announce which 3 entries came 1st, 2nd and 3rd, and they will be awarded with 5pts, 4pts and 3 pts respectively. Everyone will also get 1pt just for entering, so even if you don’t win, you can still come highly in the league by just participating!

At the end of the league, the top 3 participants will each receive a prize. The prizes are as follows:

1st – A £20 gift voucher for an online store

2nd- A £10 gift voucher for an online store

3rd- A TalkWrestlingOnline.Com RetroT-Shirt


Like all competitions, there are rules. They are as follows:

And this week’s 3 words are:

Banjo + Cheese + Igloo


*DEADLINE = Sunday 15th March*
--------------------------------------------------------------
Final Thoughts
--------------------------------------------------------------

And so, you've reached the end of another edition of the community newsletter. For better or worse, everyone listed below has worked hard to entertain and inform all of you... and I hope, this time around, we have succeeded.

Thank you for taking time out of your morning/afternoon/evening to read our ramblings, opinions and verbiage on everything from Ken Barlow to Mitch's time-scale with Nicole.

Take care of yourselves and we'll catch you in two weeks - same TWO time, same TWO channel.

Newsletter Editor:
DC




---------------------------------------------------------------
Contributors
---------------------------------------------------------------


Thanks to everybody who contributed to this issue of the TWO Newsletter:

NEXT EDITION: Sunday, March 22nd
 
Last edited:

The Icon

Well-Known Member
Messages
13,151
Points
63
Now this is how to do a newsletter. Vast improvement over the last one. Well done everybody involved.

Just a little let down by the lack of probe, but the funny explanation for that and the old probes made up for it in spades.
 

Omega

Global Modd
Subscriber
Messages
17,043
Points
83
Awesome, I actually read most of the newsletter in one go which I certainly haven't done for a while. Good job to everyone who did something and to DC for taking on board all the suggestions and not being (too) bitter about it all ;)
 

ShaolinHandLock

Well-Known Member
Messages
6,319
Points
48
Good newsletter. :)

I know I say that every time, but this newsletter was a much better one then the last one.
 

Nicole

TWO Hall of Fame Member
Messages
7,317
Points
0
Haha. Since that probe everything changed. Love it. Mitch still isn't gonna claim sex off me though.
 

Y2James

New Member
Messages
4,423
Points
0
That was probably the longest I have ever spent reading the newsletter, which means good job :thumbup2:
 

Fiona

New Member
Messages
7,556
Points
0
Great newsletter DC. Lots of different content. Big thanks for reducing TPIB's wall of text to a readable section. Well done.:thumbup2:
 

DC

Well-Known Member
Messages
34,040
Points
113
Thanks, everyone; that really means a lot.
 

Nimf

Well-Known Member
Subscriber
Messages
11,278
Points
83
Really good newsletter, readable from start to finish! Bravo all!
 

Saz

New Member
Messages
10,781
Points
0
Ha. It's all I think about. I was a funny teen.
It was worse than that though Nic, you condemned anyone who had sex as dirty and disgusting if my memory served me correct:)

Not that you make snap judgements or anything!
 

Maxximus

Chaotic Good
Forum Leader
Subscriber
Messages
15,040
Points
83
The Newsletter has changed quite a bit since last I was around. That's definitely a good thing. Every one involved did a great job.
DC, hats off to you. you did a damn fine job bub!:)

I liked the review of 'Repo: The Genetic Opera' a film I've wanted to see mainly because it has the vocalist of one of my favorite bands -Ogre of Skinny Puppy as one of the characters.
I liked the Member Spotlight, The whole breakdown of The Watchmen was great. That was the very first comic book I read when I was...geez...11years old.
Darkstar did a good job as well. Loved the fact that he included Ken Masters in his article. My all time favorite video game character. I'm damn near unbeatable with Ken on every version of Street Fighter. Exxept SF4, I haven't had the pleasure of playing it yet.

I especially enjoyed Lockjaw's "Probe" segment.

Very interesting to hear what the veteran members had to say about the site. From the "glory days" to the whole "Black Thursday" - RX debacle that I am almost ashamed to say that I was a part of. A lot of good insight into the minds of old school members and the evolution of the site.

I'm almost jealous of the connection that Mitch and Nicole have as vets of the forum. Interesting enough they are the two people I've tried to get along with the most. Don't know why. I initially just wanted to make friends with everyone. Invariably I just end up rubbing certain people the wrong way. It's not intentional, but it happens. Then most of the time I end up taking it to far.

Yeah, I've made some stupid and pointless threads and posts(take this one for exxample) over the years, but I would never intentionally try to ruin or shame the forum in any way. I love it here, I always have. I've made some good friends that know me pretty well for who I am. I'm the same off the site as I am on, if that comes off as being gimmicky that's just who I am.

Getting back on point, as I was reading "The Probe" I thought to myself I would really like to do this. I've seen quite a bit of drama as well as terrific posting and great intellectual debates. I bet that Mitch and I would have a great interview.

Then I got to the end...
Oh, and if you want to be put on the future possibilities list for being probed, PM me and I'll add you. You must be interesting, up for any questioning, and have your Anime_Otaku jokes at the ready. If you fit that bill, please let me know. If you're The Maxx, please don't.
:lol:
That was almost my favorite part of the whole damn newsletter!

Mitch, I'm officially letting you that I'm still interested in answering any questions that you may have. If you don't that's alright, I understand where your coming from. Why waste the time?
It just surprised the hell outta me that I ended up being the punchline. Very clever "Lockjaw" very clever indeed. Barely around a week and you went to the trouble to include me. Damn! I must have really had a negative effect on you. Memorable, but negative none the less.

Anyway, that's my review of the Newsletter. Again, I thought it was great and everyone involved should be very proud of themselves. Kam, you have some very loyal members in this great forum and they have done it justice.

Thanxx for the read everyone. Can't wait for the nexxt issue.
 

DraVen

Well-Known Member
Messages
22,399
Points
83
If you're willing to be ridiculed mercilessly via msn, I'm fine with probing you.
 

Maxximus

Chaotic Good
Forum Leader
Subscriber
Messages
15,040
Points
83
If you're willing to be ridiculed mercilessly via msn, I'm fine with probing you.
:lol: That's what I do Lockjaw, that's what I do.

Uh...being ridiculed mercilessly that is. Not the probing...this will be my first time:-0

Be gentle...:eek
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top