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Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Poppy

Active Member
Messages
167
Points
28
I've had many a friend breakdown after being cheated on. It's a horrible feeling, they were absolutely gutted. If you were in a relationship with someone who cheated, would you ever take that person back? Or do you believe like me, once a cheater, always a cheater?
 

Zack T

Active Member
Messages
743
Points
43
I cheated on my ex-wife towards the end of our relationship. I never imagined that I'd do that beforehand, and I've sworn that I'll never do it again either.

I think it depends on the person. Some folks definitely are serial cheaters because of their personalities - Maybe they're narcissistic and don't care about others feelings or they're scared of commitment, or maybe they have other reasons.

For myself, I was struggling with major major depression and the fact that I'd came out as bisexual a couple years prior but was in a relationship and had no opportunity to explore that. One day, it finally just snapped in my head and I decided to try and live a double life where I'd keep my home life and marriage, but also get to have fun too. 3 days later, I met a guy and wham bam done.

I f'n HATED myself for a couple years after that, constantly punishing myself, blowing up chances with new people after me and her split, self destructive. I hated my dishonesty, not just for cheating but for stuff before and after that.

So I swore I'd do my best to not lie to partners again. I'm polyamorous, so I practice ethical non-monogamy, but cheating is still quite possible in that lifestyle. It's the same as in a monogamous relationship - If I were to hide things from my partner(s) and deceive them, that's cheating. Instead, I make sure everyone knows how I live, what I want, what I do, and they can decide if that matches what they want. I only involve myself with folks who align with me.


Regardless, I think it's unfair to say "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Yes, cheating is wrong. But we've all done other wrong things in our lives, and usually most people learn from their mistakes (especially big ones like that) and don't do them again. Not always, of course, but I think generally speaking most people try to do better after messing up.
 

Ogmore

Active Member
Messages
178
Points
28
I think there's a difference between the cheater who is eaten up with guilt and confesses all and the cheater who gets caught and then repents. I'm less inclined to believe that the latter will ever change. Having said that, I think some people take the accusations too far and define cheating too broadly.
 

Meerkat

Member
Messages
186
Points
18
Cheating is defined differently nowadays. Couples can have an agreement at the start of a relationship that they can have "extra" activities so long as he or she will not be serious about that outside relationship. My aunt has this kind of relationship. I think a cheater, in my opinion, is someone who did not do what has been agreed upon.
 

ShadowEdge

Active Member
Messages
226
Points
28
Cheating is defined differently nowadays. Couples can have an agreement at the start of a relationship that they can have "extra" activities so long as he or she will not be serious about that outside relationship. My aunt has this kind of relationship. I think a cheater, in my opinion, is someone who did not do what has been agreed upon.
Well, it's pretty easy to take the moral high ground when you have little to no restrictions impending your shenanigans I bet your aunt is a hoot! I have no idea how the conversation came about where she divulged such information about her relationship, but she sounds like a riot. My aunts are pretty stuffy and candidly discussing such an arrangement would send them straight to bed with a case of the vapors.
 
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