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Any Point to Getting Married? ***SPLIT FROM RAW THREAD***

Omega

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sport
n.
1.
a. Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.

2. An activity involving physical exertion and skill that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often undertaken competitively.
 

JC

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Aiiight we get it, Dictionary-boy! Go back to your Dictionary-Cave/Corner!
 

Dante Spears

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The only difference Marriage makes nowadays is that you have a big ceremony at one point and fill out your tax forms differently. Sad, but true.
 

Jung

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Can't believe we're busting out that dictionary definition of sport again which basically implies that everything you do in life...is a sport. So surely just applying some logic to it rather than being a sheep and saying it must be true, is the way forward.

Same thing with the need/want thing, you need something to survive and the key part of that definition was the "condition or situation to require" so basically a set of circumstances where your desire for something is basically a necessity. The heroin example is still valid cause in psychological terms they believe they need it to survive or get through the day, thus why they are addicted to it, it's a psychological illness. But you don't need to be married unless psychologically your relationship would fail if you weren't. And if it doesn't, then plain and simple you don't need it.

Anyways the whole point with marriage is it's a very personal and specific thing to the individual and means certain things to the invididual whether it be a statement of commitment, a lifelong pact, a big expensive ceremony or something to sell to OK magazine. There is a point to it, if you so desire those things.

If you don't, like Belty, then there's no point at all. So obviously no definitive answer, it depends on you.
 
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The Beltster

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Didn't you break up with your girlfriend at one point and end up seeing someone else for a while?
I was cheating on her and got caught, carried on shagging the other for a few months until the fun wore off and stuck with my g/f.
 

takemethere

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What on earth have I done? One comment about Bret Hart's love life and it spirals into this.

Annulment... you know how that stands in law yeah? That it means the marriage wasnt legal. With a wedding being a legal contract then it needs a way out besides the agreement of both parties to break it (divorce) should it tutn out to have been entered into illegaly.
Intending to be unfaithful is a valid reason to have an annulment.

Thats fine, your choice. Maybe most of us see it as a way to show just how deeply committed we are to our partners.
Sure, some things change and people may then get divorced, doesnt mean that it wasnt meant when they got married.
Then again, maybe you think divorce should be banned and people should be forced to stay together against their will.
- I don't understand why people need marriage to prove their commitment.
- This is my point - people vow to stay together forever and just don't. That is what marriage is supposed to be. I'm sure most people do (or at least think they do) mean it at the time, but I'm also sure that plenty of people don't take marriage seriously because divorces are so readily available (there is just NO way someone who has been married multiple times is serious about it).
- I wish divorce didn't exist or at least wasn't so simple, but obviously I don't think it should be banned. And no I don't think people should be forced to stay together against their will - but if you don't want that to happen, don't commit to someone for the rest of your life. Simple.
 

etz

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It really depends on the wording of your vows. If you say "till death do us part", it should be till death do us part. Of course, you no longer have to say those vows, and if you can countenance divorce, you shouldn't.

Of course that all depends on your moral code. To me, if you give your word, you can't take it back except in the most extreme circumstances (so, in marriage, an abusive or neglectful spouse, for instance, though technically they broke the vows first then) despite what the law may say. Your word is all you have, and if you break it, well, for every action there is a reaction, and the consequences are on your own head if you break your word.
 

Fiona

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It really depends on the wording of your vows. If you say "till death do us part", it should be till death do us part. Of course, you no longer have to say those vows, and if you can countenance divorce, you shouldn't.

Of course that all depends on your moral code. To me, if you give your word, you can't take it back except in the most extreme circumstances (so, in marriage, an abusive or neglectful spouse, for instance, though technically they broke the vows first then) despite what the law may say. Your word is all you have, and if you break it, well, for every action there is a reaction, and the consequences are on your own head if you break your word.
Yea and that's all find and dandy in the Happy World of Make Believe, but in reality things change. I can't speak for anyone else, so I'll speak for myself.

My husband when I met him was a really nice guy, fell in love, got married and had a son. I found out after we were married that he was an abusive alcoholic, when things didn't go his way, he would get drunk and start slashing out, first with words and then with his fists.

So I did what any person man or woman would do, I got out and took our son with me. Do I feel sorry about breaking my marriage vows, not on your life. Too me broken vows are better than broken bones.

I stuck with him for six years hoping he would change, it didn't happen, it just got worse. If I had known he was like that I wouldn't have married him in the first place. Now if I meet someone and he shows any signs of having a drinking problem, I run the other way. Not ever going to put myself in that position again.

I was brought up that if you marry you stay married. My parents were married for 40 years until they're deaths, but my mother would never have wanted me to stay in a situation were I was in danger. I don't think any parent would want their kids to live in fear like that.
 
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Maxximus

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There are a lot of variables in either a long term relationship or marriage.
I'm sure this will come as no surprise when I say that people change over time. These changes could range anywhere from the minute to the sever. They could be for the betterment of the relationship or they can severely hinder it. Having a serious relationship of any kind is a lot of work. Sure thinks could be great but you never know what to expect.

I agree that it's better to get to know someone very well before trying to make tyhings serious. This goes out to the younger members of the forum as well. Just because you two may really like each other, it's still better to take things slow and let your feelings evolve.

I was with my wife for 4 years before we got married. We had also known each other since grammar school and friends all through high school and beyond. It was easy for us to just slide into a very serious relationship because we already knew absolutely everything about one another. Our relationship, like any had it's ups and downs including break-ups and separations, but no matter what, we never stopped loving each other. A life time friendship evolving into a deeply loving eight year relationship including a four year marriage was without a doubt the single happiest time in my life.

So, yeah, like a lot of posters have said. Whatever works best for you is fine. Just stick with that and don't ever try to rush things. It's much better and more rewarding in my opinion to take things slow and let them evolve naturally.

Personally, I don't ever see myself getting married ever again. Date? Sure. It could even get serious but I already had the only wife I will ever need.
 

Dante Spears

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It really depends on the wording of your vows. If you say "till death do us part", it should be till death do us part. Of course, you no longer have to say those vows, and if you can countenance divorce, you shouldn't.
Except this is wrong

My ex cheated on me with a f****** Randy Orton poster and her brother and I only found out by total accident. Until then things were going swimmingly, now imagine if I had never found out about these things and down the line we got married. And then imagine if I had found out, would I deserve to be stuck in a relationship where I had was behind a glossy photo and a sibling?
 

Paul

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Intending to be unfaithful is a valid reason to have an annulment.

No, its not. Annulments are granted for:

If either party was already married at the time of your marriage
If either party didn’t or was unable to give valid consent to the marriage
If you or your spouse was under 16 at the time of the wedding
If you weren’t a fully male/female couple
If you and your spouse were related (this is complex and needs some consideration by an experienced lawyer)
If your spouse had a communicable form of a sexually transmitted disease when you got married
If your spouse was pregnant with someone else’s child and you didn’t know about it
If you didn’t conform with the proper legal requirements – i.e. not filling in forms properly



- I don't understand why people need marriage to prove their commitment.
I said choose to show, not need to show.

- This is my point - people vow to stay together forever and just don't. That is what marriage is supposed to be. I'm sure most people do (or at least think they do) mean it at the time, but I'm also sure that plenty of people don't take marriage seriously because divorces are so readily available (there is just NO way someone who has been married multiple times is serious about it).


- I wish divorce didn't exist or at least wasn't so simple, but obviously I don't think it should be banned. And no I don't think people should be forced to stay together against their will - but if you don't want that to happen, don't commit to someone for the rest of your life. Simple.


Simple?! You think a divorce is simple? You have a lot to learn about life, sorry to be condescending but its true.

As for divorce anyway, its currently at a 29 year low. (Evidence: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/cci/nugget.asp?id=170)

Also according to statistics over half of marriages are a sucess, so obviously more people DO stick by their vows than dont.


edit: Dante, no matter how often you say that no doubt heartbreaking for you tale, I cant help but laugh a little. Its so absurd. And, if you are able, I'd like to hear the full story.
 
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Magic

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My husband when I met him was a really nice guy, fell in love, got married and had a son. I found out after we were married that he was an abusive alcoholic, when things didn't go his way, he would get drunk and start slashing out, first with words and then with his fists.
Please don't take this the wrong way or anything Fiona, but how come you never found this out about your ex before you married? Wouldn't you have lived together for a while?
 

The Beltster

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That's the weirdest part of that sentence? :lol:
It's not the weirdest, but it is the most disgusting. If I could my g/f rubbing a Randy Orton poster on her fanny, I'd probably laugh and think she was odd, if she was shagging her brother, I'd throw up.
 

Fiona

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Except this is wrong

My ex cheated on me with a f****** Randy Orton poster and her brother and I only found out by total accident. Until then things were going swimmingly, now imagine if I had never found out about these things and down the line we got married. And then imagine if I had found out, would I deserve to be stuck in a relationship where I had was behind a glossy photo and a sibling?
That's one of the strangest thing I've ever read here on the forum. I'm not going to ask how you found out, but this relationship was doomed from the start by the sounds of things.

Please don't take this the wrong way or anything Fiona, but how come you never found this out about your ex before you married? Wouldn't you have lived together for a while?
No we didn't live together, I was young and very stupid at the time. Both of us lived at home with our parents. His father was a raging alcoholic and my husband said he never wanted to turn out like his dad, he did. His drinking got worse and worse as time went on, at first he would go to his Dad's to get drunk and come home after he'd sleep it off. After a year or two the pretense was dropped and by lunchtime he'd be passed out. It was a nightmare I wouldn't wish on anyone.
 
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